I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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