So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just high enough for therapy.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize