I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
cat food counts as protein by the way
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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