I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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