She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
