seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
