WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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