We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
