Well apparently he's into motor boating.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
