Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
