Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
