thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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