apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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