I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
