She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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