i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
two words: eviction party
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
