Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
