Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
