Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
