I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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