I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
