i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
