i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
