can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
