you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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