Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
