I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
