Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Randomize
