My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
