Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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