12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
