Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
