Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
