i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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