dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
how do you play pong handcuffed?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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