My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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