im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
