i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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