Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
