yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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