This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
