just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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