Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize