This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
