she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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