Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
