We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
