I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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