Having a random hookup so left but love u
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
