remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Enjoy the penises
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
