If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize