How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
