Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
