So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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