Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
