oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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