So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You left your underwear on the fireplace
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
