wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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