I wanna bring you to show and tell
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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