just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
