Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
