I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
