So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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