Apparently you make a good broom.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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