Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
