do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
