According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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