as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
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Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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