my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
