i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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